i am human.

tammie bennett's human

i've read two amazing books lately and they both talk about having self compassion and owning your truth.  

glennon doyle melton's carry on warrior changed my life.  for reals.  i seriously want to send a copy to every woman i know.  (and some men too, but i think it speaks particularly to the women in my life).  i kind of feel like she was sent down here to earth just to write this book to speak to me directly cause she gets me.  and i get her.  i totally, totally get it.  and she said all the things i was feeling and thinking but didn't know i was feeling and thinking them.  

brene brown's the gifts of imperfection is another one that hit me in the gut.  i've almost read it many times over the past couple years, but i guess i wasn't ready for it yet.  until now.  i picked it up this summer and i was totally ready and open to it.  and it spoke to me on such a deep level.  

maybe these books came into my life right when i was about to go through a vulnerable period of moving across the country to a place where i don't know anyone.  maybe they came just as i became aware that i had been keeping my friends at arm's length because i was scared to let them see my imperfections.  my human-ness.  

we only had a few days in our house and in our town before we moved and i did everything in my power to get my kids to see their friends one last time.  i realized that i didn't have many people that i just had to see.  (in the end, i didn't get to see most of my people due to the chaos of leaving town)

it turns out i wasn't close to very many people.  i didn't let many people in.  i didn't want them to see my messy, disorganized house.  i didn't want them to know how exhausted and lonely i get.  i didn't want to give up my quiet time in order to go out to a bar for ladies' night.  i didn't want to feel ashamed when my puppies jumped and licked and barked instead of sitting quietly on command.  i didn't want them to notice how it's been years since i've printed pictures of my family to hang on the walls.  or how i hadn't put anything on the walls in the 7 years we lived there.  

but after having read the two AMAZING books i mentioned above, i'm going to do this differently from here on out.  i'll likely still have a messy, disorganized house and i'll likely still get exhausted and not want to go to ladies' night.  but i will embrace and honor these parts of me instead of feeling shame and hiding away from friendship.  i will invite people over warmly and give them full warning that my house may not be magazine worthy, and my dogs may be a little rowdy, and i probably won't have good snacks or wine.  but i will listen non-judgmentally to their stories and i will give them hugs and laughs and friendship.  and permission to be human.