behind the curtain

behind the curtain sometimes i get emails and comments from people asking how i get it all done or how i have so much time to make art. here's where it gets really real....

i let my kids skip school last friday. chris and i were trying to catch one. more. minute of sleep while our 3 young children got themselves dressed for school.

one daughter came rushing into our room stressing that her gym pants had some strange stain. those were the only pair of clean gym pants in the house. well i guess technically they weren't clean, but the other ones were dirtier.

moments later, my other daughter came in with a nose pouring blood. that same blood got all over her last clean uniform skirt. (and our bathroom floor, and it took 2 days for me to get around to cleaning up those last couple drops of dried blood).

a minute later, my just-turned-10-the-day-before son came in with teary eyes and said, "well, my one birthday wish didn't come true" and he slumped out of the room. it had snowed overnight, but not enough for school to be canceled. apparently, his wish was for school to be canceled due to snow.

as i lay there wondering what in the heck my daughters were going to wear, i thought of two things. one, we hadn't gone to the food store and had no real food for their breakfast or lunches. two, a mother of one of their school mates had died two days prior.

i felt so heavy. so, so heavy. i felt the weight of all that i hadn't done. no laundry, no food for their breakfast or lunch, not enough sleep, and not enough organization. i felt the weight of how short life can be and all the trivial things we pay attention to.

i looked at chris and asked with exhausted, pleading eyes, "can they just stay home?" he smiled and said, "their school can't make jack's wish come true, but we can." so we called them back into our room and delivered the news. they were playing hooky. (which we then had to explain to my 5 year old that it means staying home from school when you should be going.)

so people, i do NOT do it all.  i have time to create art because i'm not going to the food store or doing laundry, or cleaning dried blood from the grout in my bathroom.  but you know what i DO have?  really happy kids.